Creative Writing Workshop Prompt (Critique)

- the excerpt is interesting, using simple language to give more understanding

- the style of this paragraph is a anime fiction style that for me attracts readers to know more about the story

- the quality is not bad, as he wrote about the life of the Japanese high school students (based on the names Akira, Haruko etc.)

- the writer needs to improve on the choice of the language, as informal language is in need here in the excerpt, but supposedly he needs to think about other words that suitable based on the situation.

- the punctuation marks is not really at the right place.   " pftt..What a crazy gorilla to play ball alone under the sun..hahaha!!"

- I liked the way he narrates the conversation between Akira and Kenji. The naturalness of his style of writing makes reader eager to read more.

- The colourful character in a Japanese high school brings back the old memories for me. It's good for remembering the good, old times, sometimes.

From the rating 1-10, I will give the rating 7.5
for this paragraph.

Creative Writing Workshop Prompt (Short Paragraph)

"How you can be so sure?" ask Husin suspiciously. "She's not a demon, she's a human being!" Husin stressed it out again. All eyes at the warong stared at him, looking at him angrily. "She's a monster!" comes a sound from behind. Its Pak Abu. Pak Abu is a veteran retiree of the army regiment was settling down at the village for years. "I have never seen anything like this before...a ghost, a woman spirit, is a neighbour of you, you seems like hiding something from us...tell me Husin, what's the matter with you? " say Pak Abu again. "Yes, I'm agreed with you Abu, let the city boy do what he capable of..." Pak Jabir entered the conversation. Husin was disappointed with his seniors in Kampung Pisang. Since he come back to the kampong after leaving it for years, he finally lost the trust from the villagers. "Kak Lijah is our friend too! Even though she's a bit crazy, she's still our friend...don't judge me or her based on our outer looks..." Husin looked deeply in the eyes of the villagers. Still those voices are still sounded from the warong. So as Husin, feel very relieved to release what's in his heart he think about the villagers.

Untitled

Like a fountain, life refreshes you
Don't turn around and get in blue
It's something nice to us to view
How can we change it to something new.

My family lives in a mansion
And it's great to live in it
Giving up in life is not an option
Because the project of life is all for us to commit.

My Life is My Way

In my own, free highway
The highway which i'm well-trodden
Each any every interchange of life that I have walk on
There's obstacles and detours that I need to clear off
Or I'm just being alone here
Sitting and waiting for my, dearly,  rocket to come
Taking me farther away from danger
Potential danger that I have to face, everyday.

Well, my life is like mathematics
I hate it but i need it
Confusing like algebras
Squiffy like arithmetic
No one bothers it
Just like I have walked through the light of Middle Ages
When everybody ignores calculations,
But finally I believe in causes, but it is a pointless point of view.

The highway and mathematics
Mixed each other exactly the way they should be
In some other way, it combined thoroughly
To find a solution in me.

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