Creative Writing Workshop Prompt (Critique)

- the excerpt is interesting, using simple language to give more understanding

- the style of this paragraph is a anime fiction style that for me attracts readers to know more about the story

- the quality is not bad, as he wrote about the life of the Japanese high school students (based on the names Akira, Haruko etc.)

- the writer needs to improve on the choice of the language, as informal language is in need here in the excerpt, but supposedly he needs to think about other words that suitable based on the situation.

- the punctuation marks is not really at the right place.   " pftt..What a crazy gorilla to play ball alone under the sun..hahaha!!"

- I liked the way he narrates the conversation between Akira and Kenji. The naturalness of his style of writing makes reader eager to read more.

- The colourful character in a Japanese high school brings back the old memories for me. It's good for remembering the good, old times, sometimes.

From the rating 1-10, I will give the rating 7.5
for this paragraph.

Creative Writing Workshop Prompt (Short Paragraph)

"How you can be so sure?" ask Husin suspiciously. "She's not a demon, she's a human being!" Husin stressed it out again. All eyes at the warong stared at him, looking at him angrily. "She's a monster!" comes a sound from behind. Its Pak Abu. Pak Abu is a veteran retiree of the army regiment was settling down at the village for years. "I have never seen anything like this before...a ghost, a woman spirit, is a neighbour of you, you seems like hiding something from us...tell me Husin, what's the matter with you? " say Pak Abu again. "Yes, I'm agreed with you Abu, let the city boy do what he capable of..." Pak Jabir entered the conversation. Husin was disappointed with his seniors in Kampung Pisang. Since he come back to the kampong after leaving it for years, he finally lost the trust from the villagers. "Kak Lijah is our friend too! Even though she's a bit crazy, she's still our friend...don't judge me or her based on our outer looks..." Husin looked deeply in the eyes of the villagers. Still those voices are still sounded from the warong. So as Husin, feel very relieved to release what's in his heart he think about the villagers.