- the excerpt is interesting, using simple language to give more understanding
- the style of this paragraph is a anime fiction style that for me attracts readers to know more about the story
- the quality is not bad, as he wrote about the life of the Japanese high school students (based on the names Akira, Haruko etc.)
- the writer needs to improve on the choice of the language, as informal language is in need here in the excerpt, but supposedly he needs to think about other words that suitable based on the situation.
- the punctuation marks is not really at the right place. " pftt..What a crazy gorilla to play ball alone under the sun..hahaha!!"
- I liked the way he narrates the conversation between Akira and Kenji. The naturalness of his style of writing makes reader eager to read more.
- The colourful character in a Japanese high school brings back the old memories for me. It's good for remembering the good, old times, sometimes.
From the rating 1-10, I will give the rating 7.5
for this paragraph.
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